Relationships? Oh, this won’t end well.
Looks like I’ve someone who wants my particular brand of advice.
Awesome. :D
First of all, pardon the title. It’s just… There is no ‘perfect’ advice for these sorts of things. I can tell you what I feel and think, but that doesn’t meant it’ll work for you. Consider this a disclaimer of sorts. ‘Results may vary’.
Here was the EMail I received. No names are given, of course.
“Alright, Horo. Supposedly you’re willing to give advice? Okay, well. What is your take on relationships? Relationships require trust, or at least… ideal ones do. To keep things short and simple, I’ve been in relationships that have basically resulted in me not being able to trust anyone. How do you recover from something like that? Any ideas on how to trust people again? Or at least how to work on trusting people.”
I’ll answer your questions in order.
Yes, I am willing to give advice. :D
My take on relationships… They’re a nice thing to have. They can add something to your life that you didn’t have before. Of course, they can take too. A relationship, like so many other things in the world, is something that you have to work with/for, rather than the other way around.
How do you recover? Well, in a sense… You never really do. If you aren’t at least a little damaged (though I would prefer not to use a word of that nature) when something happens in your relationship, then it probably wasn’t a real relationship in the first place. How do you make yourself feel better in the end, though? How do you cover your ‘scars’? Time, patience, and a constant willingness to try again when you’re ready and able. It’s not the easiest task, but it can be done. Try to let it get to you as little as possible. Make it a point to defy your pain/distrust. Eventually it’ll become habit, and soon after that, you won’t even know you’re doing it. You’ll be ‘healed’.
As for trusting people again… This is up to you. You might find someone who slams through your shell/wall and practically makes you trust them, and you just can’t help yourself but to. More likely than not, though… This will not be the case. The best trick is to just try and be willing to trust. If you don’t feel like you’re ready, then you probably aren’t. A lot of this is really on you.
So how would you make the most earnest effort towards trying to trust again? Start small. Let your current friends become good friends. Good friends should become best friends. Branch out a little. Let those close to you a little more into your life. If you can’t trust those closest to you, how do you expect to have faith in some random newcomer? Allow people to inch further and further into your life, into who and what you are. Once you have faith in your friends (and a potential fallback point), you just might be more ready to put yourself into the ‘relationship business’ again. If you can bring those people closer, you can bring someone else close. Just let it happen slowly, at a pace you’re comfortable with. Make sure they know what bothers you. But don’t let them know what pleases you, at least not too much. Let them figure it out. This can seem a little manipulative, but it’s more helpful than harmful. If they do start learning things about you, it means they’re willing to try and they really want to be close. This is a sign for you to try and return the favor. It’ll get easier as time goes.
Really… The most important thing here is that you must put forth an effort. ‘A little effort goes a long way’ is the phrase, I believe. It’s true, or so I’ve seen. So just be ready and willing, and be doing. It should work out in the end.
Well, that’s the best my currently addled brain can bring up for you right now. If I think/recover more things, I’ll let you know Advisee.
Until then, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope my advice works out for you.
I’ll see you and everyone else tomorrow.
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