It’s My Life
I would like to start this rant by asking that you read through this rant because I do have questions that’s directed to both males and females. Thank you, now onto the regural schulded rant
You know, there’s just some anime that I watch or some mangas that I’ve read that makes me think about my past or furter if I like to or not. Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou (English title: His and Her Circumstances; AKA Kare Kano) is one of a few that makes me think about the past and furter, mainly the past though. I just got done with the 4th DVD, and I’m going to be watching the last one 2morrow evening (maybe). Just watching about each char. past brings up my past. I could relate to at least 1 part of every char.’s past. I’ve been bulied, my parents (could) be jerks (mainly my dad), etc, etc, etc. And while watching, I relized how fucked up this world is, because it’s not just how some of us are the bulies and some are the ones being bulied but also how some nice guys (like myself) can’t get girlfriends because they think we’re waste and goes for those guys who might had a worst past and, who knows, beats there girl/wife. What I find even more funny is how the girl could be so insecured that they THINK she could live with the beatings and ACTUALLY STICKS UP FOR THE GUY!! And believe me, I do have an example of this (well… actually, the guy wasn’t to the point of “beating” her, but overly controling her life). What is this so called “example” your talking about? Well… I am a member of a lot of forums, one of the forums I went to this girl came to us asking for advice. In fact, why not go read it yourself?
Overview: 15 year old girl going out with some guy controling her life by telling her what she can and cannot listen to, who she can and cannot hang out with, etc. Everyone there is telling her to set him straight or dumb his ass; she kept saying how much she loves him and doesn’t want to dump him but she still hated the fact of that they just keeps on fighting. One point of the convo she said that the next day everything is all cheery and fine, he even got her a dimond ring because they went to the fair but on the wrong day and they no longer had rabits so he got that ring for her to make it up (at which point we were like, “and how old is this kid again? How did he got the money for a dimond ring?”). In the end, she did dumped him.
Moving this rant along, I would like to ask this to the girls: Why do girls look for guys that or possivesed and/or abosved (as in, controled freaks who got to control every little things you do and/or beats the shit out of you)? Why do you want to even stay with him if you just HATE THE FACT of him doing this stuff to you? And do you really believe the bullshit that he feeds you? (the bullshit I’m talking about is that, “Oh, honey, I promised I won’t lay one finger on you again” and/or “I’m doing this out of love”). Are you going out with that person to just pissed off your parents? Or does the guy reminds you of your dad/grandpa/uncle?
Now, fella’s, not to make you guys left out, I got some questions for you too (well… at least to those who are control freaks and beats there girl): Why the fuck would you do something like that? Have you’ve been breast feed? Have you’ve been beaten when you were a child?
Now, I’m not living in a perfect family (hell… in my mind there’s no such thing as a “perfect family”), my dad gets pissed off too easily and gets up in my face (shit, before I get scared but now I’m at the point of “You get up into my face, I’ll stare your ass down, I don’t care if you poke me in the chest or not, because your a total jack ass, asshole!”) or does something that leds to breaking something (usually) when he’s pissed. My sister is a total bitch and a drama queen; sometimes I think she has ADD because she cannot stay with one guy and she drives like a maniack! (@Trev — yes, she’s worst then me!). Now I’m even more afread of her because she just recently gotten a gun and she always saying about how she’s going to shoot herself if she crashes her car again or shoot my dad or mom (even though she’s just kidding around… but sometimes I wonder…). 2 of my uncles (pretty much the only uncles I know) are becoming total jerks for all the sudden decided not to give the money to dad for his bypass surgy after we blew most of money on building this house. One of my uncle’s ex-wife told the daughters not to talk to ANYONE in this family (sure… why not take it out on the WHOLE family… although once and a while I do text/call one of them…). My grandma (and almost everyone on my dad’s side of the family) are pretty races. Pretty much the only sane people that I know in my family is my mom and my mom’s sister!
Time right now is: 11:49 pm Moutain Time (I pretty much got to be in bed for work…)
Anyways… now that you know a little bit about my family, lets contune, shall we?
Way back to what I could remember I’ve been made fun of because of my speech problems and how slow I could be to catch onto somethings. My fav. was when my mom told me that when I was still living in LA that the gradeschool teacher wanted to hold me back because she “couldn’t understand what I’m saying.” I’ve been through speech theopy, to let everyone know, although, from what I’ve heared, people could understand me just fine over the phone, plus nowaday they think I just have an actent, so my speech problem isn’t really a problem anymore… Moving along, another thing I’ve been made fun of was for doing weird stuff with my hands and looking like a crazy person. First of all, I was a kid, so I was imaging fighting someone or whatever I was doing at the time, and I still do it to this day (mainly because I get bored out of my freaken mind somethings and think of something…). I’ve been called different names too since I’m fat and all. Sure, they got to me, deep, but now I don’t let them get to me. Shit, I even have man tits! (mind you that this is a disorder that could only be removed by plastet surgy and not from weight lose). But I’m so used to name calling that I just turn it right back to them nowadays. You should see some of the comments I got from this one forums because I have pictures of myself but not wearing a shirt (since I hate wearing shirts), a lot of people were like, “OMG! Put on a shirt!” or something among those lines, so I just go about and saying “oh? what if I don’t wanna? you do know that you don’t have to view my picture, you could just scroll right by it… then again, I guess the thumbnail got you interested in my picture enough, that’s cool, I guess” or something like that. Which brings up a question: Why does girls in real life thinks I’m ugly while girls online thinks I’m “hot”?
Another time I remember was on some sort of rating place (would you hit this or something like that). One chick was like “OMG, you got like 4 chens, that’s so disguessting” to my reply, “I HAVE 4 CHENS? *checks in the mirror* ZOMG I DO HAVE 4 CHENS!! MAYBE I SHOULD GET THE STUFF THAT JENNY CRACKASS IS SMOKING AND HIT SOME OF THAT SHIT TO LOOSE MY WEIGHT!” (yes, I like to be a smart ass bitch somethings).
So, how excatly I gotten to the point of becoming a smartass and not caring what people think about me you might ask? I guess it would be in the middle of high school, after writing some depressing poems (yes, I know relized that I did, in fact, wanted to kill myself but something was holding me back, something deep) and thinking about what I really wanted out of life. Then it clicked. If Karl, the fat ass bitched who used to live about 2 to 3 blocks from me (only a 5 minute walk (give or take depending how fast you walk) could be a smart ass bitch to people then I’m going to be one too. I pretty much learned how to delt with the the life I have since you only have ONE life, that’s it! JUST ONE FUCKEN LIFE!!
Anyways… since I keep jumping around, let me contune with my sorry ass excuse of a story/rant ^^;;
Middle school: sixth grade: New school to me with familer and not so familer faces. Went to a SDC (Special Day Class) (in fact, I’ve been going since 3rd grade) and a few mainstream class. That’s also around the time I got into computers. This is also when I was introduce to fighting in the locker room… This one bitch always comes up to my face and no matter what I do he won’t go down! (luckly, in 8th grade the pricaple FINAL did something but that wasn’t excatly enough…). I believe in 7th or 8th grade was also the year when that kid spread a rumor about me… -_-;; (yes, it got caired onto my Sophmore year in Highschool, but luckly it was only 1 person who remembered it and I told him stright that was a rumor started by some jerk face bastered who couldn’t get it up so his girl dump his ass). Middle school was also a time when it introduce the school dances. Sure I went to them but didn’t really enjoyed it… I build up my currage to ask a few girls to danced (most of which turned me T_T ).
High School: Joined the football team (only played 2 years and got out because I never got any playing time so why bothered). Also was introduce to the wonders of photography. And, of course, more dances… But, hey, this time more girls that I asked to dance didn’t refused! Although one flipped out when I asked her
*reinactment*
Me: May I have this dance?
Her: I DON’T WANT TO DANCE WITH ANYONE
Her stomps away
Me: Whoa! She flipped out!
*end*
This was also the time when I started knowing a lot of people in highschool through AIM and such. 1 of which I was the person in the middle of this one couple… everytime they get into a fight they call apond me to talk to the other person -_-;; until I pissed the girl off really badly… then again… I don’t excatly remember how I pissed her off… but I do know this, one of my other friends knows her (I worked with him and we became friends and such) and told him what happen and he was like, “yep, that’s her alright” and goes on how she’s a little bitch and all that. In fact, I saw her in Best Buy back when I used to live over there… the first time I saw her that she was working there she gaved me a look of discused. Now, if I was in my right mind I would of went over to the section she was working at (the cell phone and PDA area) and pretted that I was interested in buying something to see what kind of attuded she was going to give me, either that or go and speak to a manager and try to get her ass fired for “giving that look to me.” I’m sure I could make something up like, “Hey, that girl over there that works in the PDA/Cell Phone place, the one with the such and such hair and such, she gaved me a dirty look and I didn’t like it, could you tell your ’employee’ there to stop giving me dirty looks, it’s like she knows more something but I have no clue who she is.” That is, if ONLY I was in my right mind.
In highschool, it’s also the time when I noticed how everyone has there own little group. I mean, what’s up with that? The mormans had there all little section, the “cool” kids got there own little spots, the skaters, the punks, the wannabes, etc. Luckly for me, I never belonged to a group and so I just wondered around as a out cast without a group.
I did a lot of shit in high school too, like this one girl I met in Senor year at home coming, I was actually into her but she already had someone but I made her laugh and we had a good time (her boyfriend couldn’t make any of the dances, but he did question who i was when he saw me in 2 pictures of me and her ^^;; ). That’s also the time when I became someone who just messes around by saying, “Why not leave that guy and go out with me instead?” and such. In fact, for the final dance of the year, there was a plam reader there and while she was reading her plam I was like, “does it say anything about leaving her current boyfriend and going out with me instead?” :)
This was also the period of time when I got out of SDC and went into resource class, at which I then got out of resource to become a “drop in” (even though I rarly dropped in). Oh, and also this was the period I got into anime.
Here come JC (Junior College)! For only a year being there, I made friends in a half a year. I made friends with someone who we share somewhat the same intrest. I brought my laptop in but all the tables that had an outlet next to was taken, but one guy was siting all by himself with his laptop, so I walking over there and ask if I could join him since all the other tables were taken, he said sure so I pulled out my laptop, he looked at it and said, “My girlfriend has the very same laptop” and we started talking, and started hanging out with his group. I missed hanging out in that group alread (in fact, I skipped excel class to see if anything interesting was going to happen once, which nothing really did but I didn’t really felt like going to excel class that day anyways so it was all cool).
Which leads back to today. I have set my goals, I’m going to try to go as far as possable, and there’s some girl I know in canada I’m dieing to meet (along with a lot of other people I know from over the world).
Anyways, now that it’s 1:07 in the morning, and I got to wake up at 5:30 in the morning, I’m going to get as much sleep as I can (I hate to do what I did when I was working at safeway, which was I went to bed so late that I slept for 1 hour and then I had to get back up and get to work).
IF YOU READ THIS LONG ENTRY, PLEASE COMMENT! THAT’S ALL I’M ASKING
(your comment could be “…” for all I care, just as long as I know how many people read it (shit, post annoymouse for all I care)).
Time started: Review to time posted at top of entry
Time when clicked “Update Journal” button: 1:12 am
