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Babylon A.D.?

Submitted by on September 9, 2008 – 11:25 pm

Hello all you good boys and girls, today I’d like to talk to you about a movie that I highly recommend that you NOT waste your money on to watch.  Yep, today I’ll be talking about a movie that I wish I’d brought ear plugs and something to cover my eyes with and just slept through.  And that movie is titled Babylon A.D.

The movie stars Vin Diesel as some mercenary named Toorop who was once an veteran who takes on a high-risk job escorting a young lady named Aurora from Central Asia to New York.  He thinks this is just a basic pickup and delivery job but when trouble started coming he soon starts to wonder what exactly he’s “delivering.”

Alright, enough of the “Synopsis” gist of it, lets get down to business to the actual review.  Please note that there are some spoilers here so if you do want to watch this piece of shit movie, then I’d advise you don’t read on, otherwise, read on!

The movie starts off with part of the ending (believe it or not) then the actual movie starts when Toorop walking through the streets of Russia and beating up some guy for what seems like money he paid for a gun that didn’t work…. Yeah… *clears throat* anyways, after that he moves on through more streets picking up what looks like dog meat and up to his apartment.  After cutting up his meat and cooked his meal he was welcome by some uninvited guests (one of which he kills and tells the other guys that it’s cool and will walk quietly out as there was only unfinished business between the two).

Anyways, to make a long story short, he was pretty much forced into delivering Aurora to New York for some weird reason and truth be told I’m still trying to figured out what the hell is going on.

All I know is that this movie keeps jumping around.  At one moment you see Toorop arguing with Aurora then the next they’re like all buddy buddy.  Hell, they’ve gone as far as almost having a sex scene with Toorop and Aurora (and she’s like, what?  probably about 15 years old I would guess).  What kind of message is that?  That it’s alright to have sex with underage women as long as they consent to it?

Even the ending makes no sense.  Some how Toorop finds Aurora at the place where Toorop said he was going to fix up some day and some how the “bad guys” found them right away, even though the tracking device planted in Toorop’s neck is supposedly removed (at least that’s what I’m assuming granted that that doctor is smart enough to remove it out).

This movie, in general, has no plot and not worth your money.  In the great words of Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons, “Worst, episode, ever”

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